I don’t want a lot for Christmas, but the few things on my list might present a bit of a challenge in obtaining. The items are worth the effort and several of them benefit many others besides myself. Here’s a peek at what’s on my wish list:

1. A Holly Jolly Burrito — A meal at Chipotle without the fear of contracting e-coli. Seriously, what the heck is going on over there? Get your act together, Chipotle, I miss filling my belly with your amazing burritos that are the size of a small child!

2. Silent Trump — No more of Donald Trump’s antics. Be quiet, sir. Enough already.

Photo via Thecostumestop on Etsy

3. Happy Xmas (Bieber is Over) — Justin Bieber’s 15 minutes are beyond over. His music is not good and he’s just plain weird. Somehow I feel like him fading into oblivion might actually bring the constantly requested Christmas wish of peace on Earth.

4. Have Yourself a Merry Little Pageant — More Steve Harvey memes, please! I can’t explain why, but his horrible beauty pageant mess up and the fallout is oddly fascinating and amusing. Cannot. Get. Enough.

5. Jingle Beard — How about we end the trend of huge, unruly beards once and for all? Guys, it feels terrible and is not attractive. It’s just not. Bearded men, I’m recommending you get razors in your Christmas stockings and you use them accordingly. You can keep the beard if it’s not an overwhelming snarl of whiskers shrouding your face. But if it’s big and bushy, I don’t care how festive you make it look, it’s time for a trim.

6. Super Bowl is Coming to Town — OK, I know this is on my list every year, but it doesn’t hurt to repeat… I would like a Green Bay Packers Super Bowl win, please. There’s no way my team can pull it off this year without a little Christmas magic, so please be kind, Santa.

Photo via The Danbury Mint

7. Watt Christmas — The holidays are a very popular time for marriage proposals, so I will be awaiting mine from J.J. Watt. Never mind that I’m already married, this is J.J. Watt we’re talking about and exceptions to polygamy laws can be made. And he’s from Wisconsin too, so it’s a match made in heaven! Thank you, Santa, for leaving this treasure underneath my Christmas tree.

Photo via @GentsPlaybook on Twitter

That’s it, friends. That is my humble, simple Christmas gift wish list. I don’t think it’s too demanding. May all of your Christmas dreams come true and may the new year bring much joy. Happy holidays to all!